This is a email from one of our parents regarding his child who has autism.
"His verbalization has been increasing, especially playing with his colleagues. He can go on a discourse about a topic, usually Tom and Jerry cartoon episodes where he repeats the whole episodes scene by scene. But it's interesting to hear what he sees, as it is summarized in a way that isn't the way I saw the episodes. It take a little bit of time to catch on to which episode he is talking about.
Anyway I had a little scare with him at a grocery store. Each of my boys got a mini-cart (which is a good thing). However when his older brother began putting grocery's in his own cart, my autistic son became very unhappy, as he wanted all the grocery items in his cart. Aside from the constant screaming and wailing, at one point, he was so unhappy that he grabbed sticks of butter and piled them in his grocery cart. He was so upset that he spontaneously started having a nose bleed.
I cut my shopping time short but by the time we got to the cashier, he was in a inconsolable state. He started to smash the bread, hurl the tomatoes (still in their bag), and dump the vegetables into the trash can screaming that everything must go in the trash.
The folks and guest at the store appeared somewhat horrified. I wound up buying fresh tomato sauce, bread shaped like matzahs, a box of Kleenex with blood and lots of butter.
I had difficulty getting him in the car. He would unlock the door and run out. He got more groceries and started throwing them into the parking lot. Someone had called the police (perhaps because of the blood? or the screaming?) The policeman who seemed friendly enough was much more sympathetic after I informed him the he has autism and we have difficulties, especially once he melts down. The officer tried to talk to my son down from his screaming and wanted to know if his brother had punched him in the nose (which did not occur, at least not this time).
Anyway, it almost seemed hilarious, unfortunately, I'm worried about his ability to meld in society. I suspect if he was 12 years old, he would have been hauled to a juvenile facility and I would have been cited for being a poor parent.
It took three hours to calm him down and he does not acknowledge that the had caused a problem. From his perspective, the problem is that the food should have all been thrown in the trash.
I'll never take him shopping again until I find a way to control his behavior better.
Is it autism or parenting?
Usually he is a delight."
Hopefully this email will make us a little more aware and compassionate to those struggling with their children when we encounter situations such as this.
11 comments:
That was interesting to read.
I can't imagine her patience.
Good reminder to not automatically think the worst.
My heart goes out to folks in this situation. And yes, a very good reminder not to judge too quickly.
I don't know much about autism but this mother has my sympathy---I cannot imagine dealing with these types of outbursts that from what I hear , are common amoung autistic children. It makes you think twice next time you see a child in the middle of a meltdown.
Thank you for sharing! I can only imagine how difficult it must be. It also helps raise awareness and, I hope, compassion.
I worked at a preschool for children with autism a few years ago, and they were indeed delightful most of the time--it's so hard to see them when they melt down.
My brother and sister-in-law have a son that has fragile x syndrome. They have dealt with experiences similar to this one and it was hard on my sister-in-law to go to the store with her son in the first place and then she felt she was being judged harshly when her son would scream. It is good to be more aware and compassionate.
I remember when Nate was little we had issues almost every time we took him to the store. People thought he was completely out of control and they were right. We had no idea what we were doing. By the time he was 5 we could mostly just ignore the tantrums but they always irritated people around us who thought we should do something about them. But what could we do? He was fighting demons because he couldn't communicate how he felt. Thank goodness is was just a stage. Although he is 19 now and we went to the college bookstore. His smartpen set off the alarms and he came totally unglued.
Sandy
It's so much more difficult when you have others around that don't understand... and while dealing with the situation, you simply don't have time to explain everything to bystanders.
Definitely reminds me to be more cognizant in making sure I do what I can so that other parents don't feel judged.
Oh my goodness I can't even imagine what the poor father is going through on a daily basis. I can't believe someone called the police! Glad the police officer was understanding.
I have been known to get a little irritated with parents who let their children scream and throw tantrums in the store. Thanks for sharing this email, I for one will try to give the befefit of the doubt the next time it happens.
I'm new to your blog and came across this post as I was browsing. I have a great-nephew who went through a couple of years of this sort of thing. He was initially diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder, but he made so much progress that the diagnosis was changed to Dyslexia. I saw how bystanders would look at his parents when a meltdown was in progress. The good news is that now, at age 11, he's doing well in school, music, dance, and drama. I know this outcome isn't the norm, and my heart goes out to those whose child continues to struggle. Thanks for posting this. People need to be aware that there are sometimes some serious underlying issues involved in an apparent disciplinary problem.
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